10 Southern Holiday Tips

Woman Holding Christmas Cookies in a Cookie Tin

Some of you will be traveling to the south for the holidays. Like any place, there are differences in how we talk, drive and live. But we are people just like you. Here are a few tips for you to remain SANE during your holidays down south.

Food

  1. If you have the need to ask what’s in it do NOT do it. Instead, say “It gives me really bad gas.”
  2. If a bottle of a liquid substance is being passed around and there is NOT a label on it, do NOT *I repeat* do NOT drink  anything from that bottle. You ain’t ready.
  3. All dishes will have MEAT in them. If you are a vegetarian, don’t travel down south. Fat back, bacon and bacon grease is used to cook ALL vegetables.  Ok I lied, sometimes neck bones, ham hock and a ham bone are used instead.

Driving

  1. If you are driving your personal vehicle down south with a FRONT plate on your vehicle, leave it at home. Rent a car instead.
  2. Since you refuse to trust me about #4, do NOT speed with a front plate on your car.
  3. Since you didn’t listen to #4 or #5, be polite when the officer asks for your license and registration. Call him sir, say Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas.
  4. Next time just follow #4 and #5.

Language

  1. “Ya’ll” is singular . “All y’all” is plural.
  2. If you hear “Bless your heart” you have been called an idiot.
  3. “Fixin’” does not mean to repair. It means preparing to do something.

Hopefully these southern tips will make your holiday experience down south more enjoyable.

Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

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